Ok, so I started out this blog pretty depressing. Well, so that's what it's going to be for a while (your choice to continue reading). Today, I got up and went to my therapists office for my weekly session.. And bawled my eyes out the entire time (I'm worthless, I feel betrayed, my heart feels like it's going to explode, yada yada yada...).
Then, my best friend MM encouraged me to go to Barnes & Nobles, get a cup of coffee and read a few chapters of a book... She knows the way to my heart and it was just what I needed. It may sound cheesy but I love going to a book store, reading a little and drinking some coffee.. It's one of my life pleasures. And, you know what?! I kind of felt good. Thanks MM.
Let's skip back to immediately after my therapy appt.. MM knew how down I was so she texted me amazing thoughts about me. Words cannot describe how much those words meant.:
(This is what she sent me, which literally stopped me in my tracks and made me cry)
Like those dove commercials when the people walk around and see the pictures drawn of themselves that the artists saw and the descriptions of them that strangers gave that was so different than how they described themselves. The way i describe you when i speak of you to people
Who don't know you, like Jordan or Lindsey is my "incredibly amazing friend, a tiny sassy blonde who basically held her family together after they lost her father, she put herself through school which is a responsibility and a dedication that nobody my age has, and held shit together when her brother fell apart. She pays for more bills for her family than anybody her age i know; and still manages to take care of a dog, have a full time job caring for cancer patients, and be a mom to her friends. She'll give you the shirt off her back, she is the kind of person that would likely drown when trying to save a drowning person bc she won't let go. She'll tell you like it is because she is honest and can't lie to save her life so you'll never be left guessing. All that falls into the fact that she basically is the maternal driving force in all our lives. Despite being so responsible for everyone around her, she has a wild side but a lot of that is bc it makes her so happy to be around her friends when they are happy. She isn't really someome who would party for the sake of partying, but for the fact that she is sharing that moment with people she loves. All that maternal nature and responsibility kind of ends up stifling the fact that she has a huge creative backbone that has been dying to get loose and that shows up in the fact that she is a great cook, loves to read and write, and would probably make an excellent photographer if given the right tools."
LB, my other best friend agrees. I love them both to death. Lord know where I would be without them.. Literally.. Probably In a looney bin (which was almost a close step for me).
Anyway, back to Barnes & Nobles (I did warn you that I'm kind if all over the place)... I Was sitting there with a few books and my notebook with bills and stuff in it, texting back and forth to MM and LB, just thinking of some random stuff... For example:
Did you ever feel like you had a pece if hair stuck in your throat and you really didn't know what to do about it? Do you go in and try to pull it out, especially in public? Or do you try to keep coughing up hairballs like a cat???
Or, when your stomach is groaning like you know when you have to fart? And then it starts making weird noises by your bootyhole? But, to top it off you're in the silent section of the library (thanks MM for your story).
Let's see, do you let 'er rip... Then act like nothing happened, like none was the wiser.. Or, point to some innocent person just trying to study and act like it was him/her? Or, lastly, and this is my favorite, do you just let it rip, shrug your shoulders and put a thumbs up to whomever looks your way? I'll take the latter.
Another awkward situation, which is totally random. Do you think taking out all of your medications (5 total and they're not all small and indiscreet) in the middle of a crowded Barnes & Nobles Starbucks is inappropriate? Fuck it, I'm doing it anyway. I do it on the bus in the morning and there's a lot of crack and meth heads on there. Come to think of it, I should be more worried about taking my medications out on the bus than in Starbucks. Those degenerates probably think it's something good, all the while, it's just a few antidepressants, Prilosec and birth control. Maybe if they did steal them from me, the meds will just cheer them up a bit.. Give them a little extra pep in their sluggish step. Haha.
That's all.
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