Reading the first few sentences of each of my posts, (and there aren't many of them) I realize that there needs to be more inspiration and positivity involved around here. So many times I just want to vent and whine about my struggles, which is acceptable because if I don't I know that those thoughts will stay in my head, but I also have to be positive and see the brighter side of everything. I have to be grateful for the things that I have and try see the beauty all around me. I've become more and more aware of the negativity around me and also what I'm projecting, unfortunately. We all have a right to our feelings and our feelings are valid. What I've come to learn is that feelings aren't facts though. I'm working through my feelings and I can figure out how to put a positive spin on them. I don't have to dwell in the negativity anymore if I don't allow myself. Today, I'm trying to bring more of an encouraging outlook on life instead of always feeling like the world is falling in on me. This way, I can see a glimmer of hope and run with it. I don't want to ever go back to being the Negative Nancy I was before, the one no one wanted to be around for more than five minutes because I would bring their day down. I want to bring joy into the world, especially my world.
Like I said, we have a right to our own feelings and they're valid, regardless of what anyone says. NO ONE has the right to tell you how to feel. Recently, I've noticed that people around me can be negative and can say things that I don't want to hear or that I feel almost offended by, for example, not wanting to "deal with other peoples bullshit" or just being judgmental towards others. I used to say that I didn't care what others said or thought about me but truthfully, I cared way too much. I cared so much how other people viewed me that sometimes I became paranoid. I wouldn't speak my mind or do what I necessarily wanted to do. I just couldn't be me. Now, as I'm working on myself more, I'm like "what the fuck was/is wrong with me!" I still have those moments sometimes but I have to shake it out because, ya know what, it's none of my business what other people think of me!! That's their shit. If they have something bad to say, that is on them. If it's not going to help me to become a better person than I don't really care. And, that's all I have to say about that.
I have come to learn and understand that if I don't allow myself to express how I feel, I'll sit in my own shit and the irrational thoughts will spiral out of control. What I've also come to learn and understand is that I know that those feelings aren't facts and they aren't permanent. I can talk about it. Simple as that! Everything is a learning experience, though. It's not very easy to just talk about my feelings but the more I realize that it helps me, I gain more of a positive perspective, the more I'll be able to talk. I am the only one who can help myself. I am responsible for me. I need to take action and better myself. Over the past few days, I have been able to express myself a little more instead of keeping the thoughts in my head. It gives me some relief. [*Side Note: I just came back to this draft after leaving it alone for 2 weeks...sorry] Isn't that what we're ultimately looking for, relief? I'll speak for myself... YES! Finding that relief, I know that maybe I can start to feel comfortable in my own skin and then lead me onto the road of continued happiness and contentment. Sounds so easy and I wish it was but I know that if I continue to work on myself, in a positive way, it'll get easier. 
Love, Kelli
Bean
